If I get married—-19/07/2007

I am dying to tell you something, I said soon after my husband  returned from  the University  where he was teaching Finance.

Can’t it  wait  until I  freshen up, he  said.

I am ready ,all ears to hear  what  the  earth shaking news you are dying  to tell, me , he said  looking fresh after a wash.

You know I  ran into an old ,old class  mate of mine  this morning .

Are you sure  you were able to recognize  this person ? asked he  with his usual  quizzical expression.

Yes, for once, I did, He hadn’t changed much in the past few decades , in fact  continues to look boyish and handsome, I  said.

But there  is something  that he said amused me no end. When I asked him about his family ,  he  said he was still a bachelor and has  decided  to remain one .

What is so amusing about  it? said my husband.

You will laugh if you hear the reasons  for his decision.

Let me  repeat  how our conversation went, I said trying to recall  every bit.

Why  didn’t you marry? I had asked.

Well, if   I had got married my troubles would have doubled.  

Why do you think so?

See  if  I marry  a beautiful woman, she might think I married her for her beauty.

What if you married a plain woman?

Then she may  have a complex  about herself.

Then   if my wife comes from a  middle class family, she would expect me to provide all the luxuries which I may not be able to afford.

What if she hails from a well to do family?

Then she will not care for me,even try to dominate me and I will lose my independence.

Then  we might have a couple of children.She would insist on bringing them up in her own way and I  may not approve of it.This will result in a lot of  disagreements and quarrels.

Didn’t  you  tell him  that  whatever he  said  is part of every marriage,? Butted  in my husband.

Yes I did but  he didn’t appear convinced.

Wise fellow. I  appreciate his decision.Have you not heard the saying needles and pins needles and pins, when a man marries his trouble begins ,’’ quipped my husband.


9 thoughts on “If I get married—-19/07/2007

  1. Prof.V.N.K.Kumar

    Latest research in Positive Psychology says that married men live longer than a single man, but your old classmate seems to say,” maybe it only seems longer !”. He lives in a black & white dichotomous world. Either the girl is middle class or rich, beautiful or plain looking. Truth is that there could be all shades of grey between these two extremes. Your classmate is quite cynical about the whole Institution of marriage. He is focussing on the negatives and in the process forgets the positives which come from marriage. Viz.,

    Marriage can provide long term commitment, security, and support. – A marriage based on love and mutual respect where both partners have committed to love, honour and cherish each other can endure even the most difficult crisis.

    Marriage can offer financial benefits – In most marriages, both partners combine their money, merging financial assets into one. During times of hardship or sickness, having someone who can help and support you financially is invaluable.

    Social and community acceptance – Socially, you will find that married couples like to mingle with other married couples. So if you are married you can have a more exciting social life…..Etc, etc.

    Now for some possible disadvantages of getting married.

    Freedom to come and go – some people fear that after they get married, they will lose their autonomy. Having to check with your spouse every time you want to go shopping or join a friend for lunch sounds a bit suffocating. However, a marriage built on trust will overcome most of these situations.

    Living with pet peeves – Some of the most difficult pets to live with, are the pet peeves! Everyone has their personality defects. Sometimes those little things like leaving the toilet seat up or pressing the tube of toothpaste at the top, or dropping your soiled clothes all over the floor can really get under the skin of your wife.

    Diplomacy and compromise – If you have lived on your own for any period of time, and have got used to doing things your own way, you may find the constant compromising and negotiating with your spouse difficult. He may want to watch cricket at the same time his wife wants to watch her favourite soap opera.

    Your new extended family – When you marry, it really is a “package deal”. You don’t just get your new spouse, you get his or her whole family. Dysfunctional or not! Personality differences, veg or non-veg food preferences, radically different customs & traditions are just some of the things that can make getting along with your spouse’s family a real challenge.

    Maybe focussing too much on these negatives is discouraging your classmate from marrying. Lol.

  2. Prof.V.N.K.Kumar

    As an afterthought, I wish you had the last word in this dialogue. You could have given a repartee as follows :

    Needles and Pins,
    Needles and Pins;
    When a woman marries,
    Her trouble begins.

    With the inevitable 3M’s because,
    Of the unavoidable Mother-in-law;
    Followed by the stresses of Maternity,
    and finally the bugbear of Menopause.

  3. meera rao

    The 3 M’s you mention may take a toll on the male as well, impact him “indirectly” though .All said and done it is still a myth that wives have the last word! Don’t forget that all the sayings, proverbs etc. have been coined by the male of the species to suit his convenience which unfortunately result in woman’s inconvenience.

  4. V.R.

    I don’t agree with the last sentence above. The following was written by a man:


    Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater.
    If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby.
    If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home.
    If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal.
    If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart.
    She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.

    1. Prof.V.N.K.Kumar

      ……She multiplies & enlarges what is given to her

      You forgot to cite the last line which goes like this :

      So if you give her a bit of crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit !!!

  5. V.R.

    Oh boy! (or Oh girl!), you are a feminist who will outdo Germaine Greer, who once said:

    “The housewife is an unpaid employee in her husband’s house in return for the security of being a permanent employee”

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