When NOT to say NO 15/07/2013

We  find  several self  improvement  programmes   being conducted from time to time  which teach us to gain confidence and learn to be assertive and  decisive in vital  matters which concern us. My friend happened to attend  a few of these paying a hefty fees as she  intended  to  follow faithfully      what she learnt in her workshops.  By nature  she is a very sociable  and friendly person who  strikes instant  friendship with whom so  ever she comes across  which sometimes proves to be  at  her own  cost  and time. She  is one who cannot bring herself to say No when asked for help or a favour or anything for that matter.

Strangely in course of the past couple of years her attitude and behavior has undergone a drastic change  for she  became quite a recluse distancing herself  even from her close friends  and relatives.

One day I bucked up  courage to ask her the reason for  her transformation and her reply astounded me as she said, ‘You know, after attending all those programmes, I thought I must put into practice all that  the resource persons taught us. Now I regret  for what I have done.’

Well, why don’t you be more explicit? I tried to probe.

For instance, We participants were taught not to say Yes all the time and say No sometimes, i.e. if the situation warranted, she said.

Good. I think  that applies  especially to   someone like you, I concurred.

You don’t know what it cost me  as   saying No to everything has become a habit now, she lamented.   Earlier  I couldnot   bring myself to say No but now  I  cannot  bring myself to say Yes and  use  my discretion  according to the situation  and see what happened. I have become a loner in the process,  she confessed  her voice breaking down.


n.meera raghavendra rao


2 thoughts on “When NOT to say NO 15/07/2013

  1. V.N.K.Kumar

    Unfortunately your friend has oscillated from one extreme – a passive stance where you tend to fulfill the needs & wants of others at the cost of your own, to another extreme – an aggressive stance where you fulfill your own needs and care two hoots for others, bypassing the middle position of an assertive stance wherein you try to satisfy your own needs without disappointing others. This assertiveness is a tight -rope walk & a balancing act which has to be carefully developed over time and no wonder not many people succeed in it.

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