Close Friends at first sight! 08/08/2011

Happy friend ship Day, I greeted one of my close friends early in the morning.

Thanks Meera, your guess was absolutely right, she sort of confessed and her words didn’t surprise me because she was one of those who took people at face value and was also susceptible to flattery.

I refrained from saying ‘I told you so’lest I hurt her feelings.

O.K. forget about it, I said but she wouldn’t leave it at that.

You know, she would ring me up atleast half a dozen times a day and talk only about herself which was boring, (I could sense her annoyance)

Besides she started becoming jealous and very possessive which really was the last straw, my friend  fumed.

I never knew that Ms.K  would become my close friend at first sight, my friend  had beamed stressing on close  on this very day (friendship day) last year.

(A year has passed  and every word of our conversation came back to my mind on this year’s ‘Friendship Day’)

Oh.no, not again. You seem to have forgotten the proverb ‘once bitten twice shy,’ I  reminded her.

No, I am quite sure this time, she  said  in a reassuring tone.

O.K. assuming that  your judgement is right for once, tell me what makes you think Ms.K will be your friend for life, I  asked knowing fully well what her reaction was going to be.

You know she told me how beautiful  I looked in my blue turquoise sari, gloated my friend.

Well, that’s a  routine compliment women normally pay other women. Men can’t  be so expressive  even if they think you look beautiful, can they? I teased.

Moreover I am sure she wanted to impress you, I  said.

Not only that, she also said my accessories showed that I had good taste, she replied with an air of pride.

Even that is not any way unusual, because these are a few stock ways of starting a conversation with a woman you meet the first time, I laughed.

Well, she also offered to drop me in her car after the meeting, added my friend.

Perhaps you told her You live somewhere closer to her place ,I  said.

How did you guess?  She appeared surprised.

I know you well enough ,is all that I said to my friend.

 

She also promised to be regularly in touch as she thought it  was very important to strengthen our friendship, stated my friend.

I knew in the heart of hearts that one does not need reassurances to strengthen or prove friendships between people because I believe in the saying, “ My best friend/s are  the ones  who bring out the best in me’’.

 

n.meera raghavendra rao

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11 thoughts on “Close Friends at first sight! 08/08/2011

  1. Sundera Gopalan

    Meera friendship is a very a deepone.You cannot measure friendship.One should not be very possive in friendship.There must be give and take in FriendshipThis my idea about Friendship.

  2. Prof. V.N.K.Kumar

    Friends – people we trust, with whom we reciprocate helpful actions, and towards whom we feel warmly – offer a lot of benefits : they offer moral support – their mere presence calms us because it reminds us that someone would defend us if we needed defending ; they provide shoulders to cry on ; they provide receptive ears ( sharing good news with a friend makes the news seem that much sweeter and confiding bad news can calm and cheer us and earn us some good advice) ; they give us a sense of purpose (It is nice when our friends do things for us but sometimes even nicer when we get a chance to do something nice for them).

    Having friends makes us feel better about ourselves overall. Our self-esteem gets a boost when we know people voluntarily choose our company — no bribes or blood ties necessary ! In addition to helping us feel better about ourselves, it appears that friends just make us feel better in general. People who are lucky enough to have a reliable circle of friends are apt to stay healthier and take better care of themselves.

    1. Prof.Dr.E.S.K, internationally recognized leader in the field of neuropsychiatry stressed on the last part of your comment to stay healthy while talking on Understanding the Aging Brain and Mind which I happened to attend recently. A little forgetfulness after 65 is o.k. ,he had said.
      I still wonder if first impressions of people are the ‘lasting’ impressions and close friendships can be formed at first sight!You may not take to someone at first sight but she/he might become close to you in course of time and viceversa.

      1. Prof. V.N.K.Kumar

        Talking about favourable first impressions, love at first sight belongs to this category. As infants & children we store up fractional, disjointed memories of adult people who make us feel nice, in our memory traces. In adulthood if a stranger has some of those facial features ( like a mouth, nose, lips, forehead, hair & hairstyle, chin, cheeks ) or the way they talk, smile or their gait and the way they stand or sit or laugh are similar to the features of an uncle, aunt or a significant adult in our childhood who made us feel secure, happy & flattered, we are subconsciously attracted to them and love or friendship will be spontaneous. But we might get disillusioned too with that person, if he or she doesn’t match up to our expectations later on.

        By the same logic, we might not feel nice when we meet certain other strangers because some of their facial features or behaviour might be similar to that of those people who scared you in your infancy or early childhood, chastised / disciplined you and you felt insecure in their presence. All this happens in nano-seconds subconsciously. However subsequent encounters might belie your first impressions and you start liking them because they make you feel nice about yourself.

        Does this make any sense ?

        Does this make sense to you ?

  3. V Raghavan

    “The only way to have a friend is to be one.” – R W Emerson

    “It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.” – R W Emerson

  4. Emerson’s quote reminds me of something similar about journalists who are advised to ask their interviewees stupid questions sometimes in order to elicit intelligent answers!

  5. Yes, your comment makes a lot of sense to me Mr.VNK, more so because I am a student of Psychology as well( though it doesn’t mean my assessment of people is right always).But it’s generally believed that some people do improve with acquaintance and you start liking them in course of time.Also when we were children my siblings and I used to think anyone with a pointed/sharp nose was very intelligent!
    I wonder if this is true!!!

  6. Prof. V.N.K.Kumar

    Off the cuff one can say that perhaps the few people that you saw with a pointed sharp nose were indeed intelligent even by objective standards, and this made you correlate sharp nose with being bright. However such people are generally handsome men & beautiful women and we tend to pay more attention to such people and through “confirmation bias” we notice only the witty and shrewd remarks made by them and ignore the dull & stupid things they said. It almost becomes a “self-fulfilling prophecy”.

    But children are very intuitive and their correlations are sometimes spot-on !

  7. V Raghavan

    This notion about the sharp nose might have come from the well-known fact about Jews, all of whom have sharp noses. The number of Nobel Laureates among Jews is much higher than the world average! Incidentally, N always admired my “Jewish” nose!!

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